Today an incident made me really unhappy. Today while waiting for a friend near Jadavpur subway, I saw an old lady and a man. The man brought the lady and showed her a small temple. Telling the lady to go there, the man disappeared from the scene. Later I saw the lady crossing the road again and again...and was looking for that man. I saw fear in her eyes and was almost in the verge of tear.Seeing her in such condition, I asked her the matter. She told that she is from Sonarpur, and its her 1st time in this part of the city and she knew nothing here. She had came here with two people, who had earlier promised to bring her to a temple where she could offer prayer to God for her sick husband. They had kept her bag with them, where she had kept her money, gold earrings and food. They had told her to go to the temple, wash hands and they will be right back with candles. But those frauds never returned, leaving back this helpless woman. I felt really bad for her. I took her to the rickshaw stand and gave her some money so that she can go to the station and catch a train back to her place. She blessed me wholeheartedly. I hope she reached back home safely. But I am still disturbed about the whole incident. I just don't understand what will those frauds get by cheating that poor old lady, who may be of the same age as their own mother. Is there no humanity left? So many such incidents are happening every day throughout the world. God.. save the poor souls and if you can't then destroy the world....as there is no point living in "this" world.

In my "search" for the truth of life.. I am trying to pay attention to small things of my day to day life..so that I don't overlook any important thing.
Today I am going to tell a small incident, rather we can call it a short moment which had made my day. On that day I was returning home after spending some frustrating hours in the lab...I was in an auto. All other passengers had got down and I was also about to get down, a few street children came and asked the auto driver for a free ride up-to the auto stand. They sat beside me and I was just overwhelmed by their excitement over a 2 min auto ride ! And just then when I was lost in the thought the smallest kid called me out ..."didi ".. I looked and saw him smile and I just couldn't help but smiled back and saw that  happiness which my smile brought to the innocent child... It was really one of the brightest and happy moments of my life... and yes as they say.."happiness comes in small packages.." So... I say ...keep searching...!!

Its really pathetic to be in bondage...be it literal or not. In the lab where I am taking training at present, everyday I feel the pain of being dominated and being forced. Everyday am realizing that its not just work that has to be suitable for us...but the total work environment should also be suitable...otherwise the whole thing turns sour.
And I also find out a truth about myself ...Its that working under a Boss is not the cup of tea ! I mean come on...may be I am not sure about my damn existence in this world...but as long as I am existing I should be free and independent.. free to decide, free to do...free to think...free to move ...free to talk...I should be free to live my own life at my own will.. Is it really a big thing I am asking for? Why are we always have to be dependent on someways or other to others ... why just I always end up with a feeling that I don't have the full right to live my own life??...why? why? why?

To continue my search for the "true meaning of life" ,as I have promised, I considered paying a bit more attention to my day to day life..
Today on the way to the lab, where I have joined as a summer trainee, I saw a small boy asking for money. When I was just about to cross the road, I felt tiny fingers of that boy touching my hands...but I kept my flow and crossed the road before thinking twice. Would it had made any difference if I had stopped and gave him some money? Did I missed a chance to end my "search" ? The questions will again remain unanswered.
Anyways after that incident I walked inside my lab. There I had to feed some hamsters..those were really cute.I am supposed to feed them everyday of my summer training period. As I was just about to relish the whole process, I came to know that those cute little things are taken care of only to be sacrificed for the sake of some research, ultimately. And moreover I have see that happen ! I just felt pathetic and once more whole damn thing called life appeared to be meaningless and all my contradictions and conflicts resurfaced, making me restless for the whole day.
So instead of ending my search for the answers I ended up with more questions and for that reason I want to plea once-more to whoever reading this blog..please give me some suggestion to   find my answers...to find myself....

This is my 1st attempt to reach out to people, though I am not really sure whether anyone is going to read this ever. But I felt a sudden urge to express myself and blogging seemed to be a great option !
Let me 1st introduce myself... I am a 23 year old girl living in Calcutta,India and I have spent the 23 years of my life in completing my kindergarten, school , high school and graduation. Now am pursuing master degree. Through the past years I have gathered many happy and sad memories, have made friends and even lose a few...have experienced love (only to lose it)...So what I am trying to tell is that I have spent a really self centric and not so extraordinary 23 years.
Now and then when I can free myself from my own thoughts..some really disturbing thoughts often surface from my subconscious mind to my consciousness. I have even spent many restless nights thinking about them and this is the main cause behind my blogging.
My mind sometimes behave so mysteriously that I cant really keep my calm. Certain questions come to my mind which makes me mad cause till date I have not come across any proper answer. Those questions are so simple.. Who I really am and What am I doing in this world and Why on earth so much energy has been spent to bring me into existence if I am so useless and ordinary... what are the reasons??????
These simple questions shook me from within. I have knocked each door of my mind in search of the answers..but all in vain.
Since then my search has began and unless I can find the answers, can't rest in peace. I have shared my feelings with some of my friends.. some have consoled ( totally misunderstanding my need)..some have understood but could not answer and the rest have maintained silence.
Then last night it occurred to me that if I can reach out to more people..may be that might help. So my urge to the people whoever is patient enough to read this is.. please help me out to search the true meaning of life...in the meanwhile I will keep my search on and keep you up to date and will eagerly wait for your response. Till then goodbye and take care.